Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
