we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
