peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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