There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
