Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
