If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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