I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
