Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
high people should be assigned attendants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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