it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
