So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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