I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
