i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
