The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
