birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
