I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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