Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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