I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
