a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
