Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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