Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
