This is not my ceiling
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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