let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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