and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
