yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
