I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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