Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
