Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
