as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
