She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
