So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
