Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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