P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize