A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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