it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
