god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
