that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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