This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
try to milk me bitch
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