I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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