I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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