So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
