we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
