Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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