Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
