Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
