you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
