I have demons in me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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