she smelled like a LAN party
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
