I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
