Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
