Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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